Ditching the Struggle
(Excerpt adapted from the book, Removing Your Mask: No More Hiding from Your Truth.)
“Life was never meant to be a struggle” just a gentle progression from one point to another, much like walking through the valley on a sunny day.”
―Stuart Wilde
We all know when life feels like a struggle. Struggle to get up in the morning. Struggle with projects at work. Struggle with our family members. But what exactly is this thing that sometimes feels like it has a life of its own inside of us?
Struggle is defined in the dictionary as, “To make one’s way with difficulty, violent exertion.” Struggle implies hardship and turmoil. There is often judgment that goes along with struggle. As with so many other things in life, there is an opposite side of the coin for struggle. Otherwise, there would be nothing for the struggle to push against. So, what is the opposite of struggle? Ease and freedom from difficulty.
Ease and struggle have one element in common; they both require effort. Effort is the use of energy to get something done by exertion of strength or mental power. But there is no judgment in effort. It is not easy or a struggle. There is effort for a seed to push out of the ground to become a flower. But it doesn’t say, “Boy, did I have a tough time blooming.” Neither does it say, “It was easier than I thought to become a flower.” The plant just grows and blooms into a flower with an effort that was neither easy nor difficult as far as the plant was concerned; it just did it.
Struggle is something we clever humans have manufactured by attaching negative emotions to effort. But just as we can attach negative emotions to effort, we can also choose to assign positive emotions to it. This is what “ditching the struggle” is about. It is shifting our internal perception about where we choose to exert our strength and mental power, so that we can flow with greater ease through life.
Struggle’s Challenge to Us
Whenever there is struggle, there is a gift of something for us to learn. If we ignore the lesson, then it is likely our struggle will increase. We can burn out, repeat the struggle over and over or decide to listen to and act on the underlying message. When we see struggle as a tool that challenges us to examine ourselves and a deeper level, it is easier to receive the gift and move on. Here are some of the gifts a food for thought:
Are we loving ourselves?
Struggle may be telling us that we are not acting loving toward ourselves. Are we using it as a way to punish ourselves for being bad, mean, or unlovable? If we haven’t forgiven ourselves for something in the past, it may be that struggle is our way of doing penance.
Are we going at our natural pace?
Are we dancing to someone else’s drummer? If so, we may need to slow down or speed up to go at our own pace.
Is there an easier way?
Sometimes in the midst of a project, we push ourselves so hard to finish that we don’t stop even to take a breath. Or we attempt to do everything on our “to do” list before we let ourselves rest. When we find ourselves struggling at a crazy pace, if we intentionally slow ourselves down, it may be counter-intuitive, But it can actually help us reduce the struggle. When we stop what we are doing even for a few minutes, breath deeply and quiet our body and mind, it can help us clear our mind, so we see an easier way forward. Or we may realize that many of the items on our “to do” list are really not important and can just be crossed off the list.
Do we need to let go of something?
There are times when struggle is an indication that we are trying to put a round peg in a square hole, we are attempting to push forward in an unproductive direction, or we are going a direction that is not really in alignment with where we want to go. If we find ourselves repeatedly struggling to accomplish something and hitting a brick wall, we may need to examine whether we are forcing ourselves through shear willpower to make things happen in a particular way rather than go with the natural flow of where our inner guidance is leading us. It can be helpful to evaluate whether redirecting our effort will really serve us better in the long run.
Do we need to change our attitude?
Struggle sometimes is telling us we need an “attitude adjustment.” We may be doing something we don’t like, but is necessary to our growth or skills development. In the movie Karate Kid, before the student’s teacher taught him any karate moves, the teacher told his student to paint a fence and wax a car. The Karate Kid grumbled about doing the tasks instead of getting a karate lesson. But, later when the teacher told his student, “Wax on, wax off,” the Karate Kid understood how those earlier tasks he had mentally resisted, were actually his first karate lesson.
Do we need to clarify that nothing will deter us from our goal?
Struggle can be a test to see if we are really willing to follow through with what we say we want. Big goals and visions inevitably require us to do a lot of mundane tasks or things we don’t like along the way. Struggles help us see whether we have the “chops” to do what it takes to completion. Struggle challenges our resolve. If we crumble in the midst of struggle, it may show us we need more confidence, patience with ourselves, or outside resources to help us accomplish what we set out to do. By taking this deeper dive within, we can also see if this is our true passion or if it is clearing away this goal to make room for one we have the internal drive and passion to complete instead.
Are we enjoying life?
Struggle may indicate we are working at life and not allowing ourselves to have fun and enjoyment. If we are finding very little joy in what we do, we may be playing the game of life through unconscious messages like, “you have to work hard to achieve anything in life” or “life is a struggle and then you die.” When we examine underlying messages that might be unconsciously ruling our actions, the very awareness can clear the struggle, so we can find greater inner peace and happiness in what we do.
When we find ourselves struggling, only we know the internal lessons it may be helping us learn. By willingly doing deep inner listening, we can more quickly get to the root of what our struggle is about. Once we understand it and make a course correction, we recover a piece of our inner freedom and can move forward in life with greater clarity and ease.